I know I haven’t been on here in awhile but it’s because I’ve been having muscle spasms in my fingers and arms and it makes it difficult to type because I end up hitting way more buttons due to my fingers twitching. It’s all a part of the nerves in my back when he pulled them over the new larger cage that was placed in there, it caused my right leg and areas on my foot to go completely numb. I have zaps of what feels like an electrical small jolt through my arms and into my fingers. I have also been having bad spasms in my legs. I’m doing ok. I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain in my back still, and I’m hoping it’s just surgery pain. The pain I was feeling prior to surgery has subsided and I’m just feeling the surgery/healing pain. I usually nod off pretty easily and it’s hard for me to stay awake for a few hours at a time.
I just want all of this to end and I don’t have to worry about surgeries and pain anymore. I’m bound to the bed for 6-8 weeks and then I can slowly move around but with care. My incision has been the most of my concern lately. It has not healed together and it’s open. I’ve been keeping it covered, but the problem I have is when I roll over to my side to sit up, I feel it open up again. I had dermabond on there which is a strong skin glue and there are many stitches on the inside of my stomach, but I had to take the dermabond off due to being very very allergic to it. I had no idea that I was so allergic. Therefore, the incision is having a hard time closing. I will call the office Monday and probably have to schedule an appointment to be seen.
This has not been an easy recovery. The numbness and pressure in my legs doesn’t sound like much, but I feel like the circulation is cut off, although it isn’t.
This is all very exhausting and there are days I feel like I can’t go through this anymore and I feel hopeless. It’s really really tough to rely on people for EVERY. LITTLE. THING. I mean everything. There are days I just want my privacy and dignity back, but it is quickly taken when I have to do something that I would rather do privately. I feel so stuck and it’s a really lonely feeling. Everyone is enjoying the holidays and going here and there, and I’m…..stuck. I feel overwhelmed and filled with emotions and I just want to scream. When will I ever go back to being a normal person?
But on a brighter note, I’ve received support from people I don’t even know. The cards and letters are very uplifting to read. I couldn’t thank them enough. I know I go through times of doubt and frustration, but I will get through this!
Well that’s it for now, it has taken me several hours of stopping and coming back to it, to be able to finish most of what I wanted to type :)